Quote of the Day

"I used to have a pierced tounge and belly but then I realized that the 90's were over and I took them out."
- Go-Go Amy

Hearts and stuff.

The Price is Right

Goddamn, I love The Price is Right. 
I love the contestants! 
Some are super bizarre and Drew Carey is all, "Uhhh, this is awkward" and laughs a LOT.
The other day there was an old guy and he lost his tooth! 
He fell going up on stage and knocked out a top front-ish tooth. Or denture? 
He kept trying to put it back in and it would fall out and Drew is like "Stop putting it back in!" and "Watch the teeth on the floor!" at the Wheel.  Ew.
It's my 11-12 ritual. 
I'm trying to figure out a schedule for myself. 
I was an 630am-11pm'er and now I'm a 8am-12pm'er and that little tweak in hours (even if it is mostly in my favor) has screwed me up. 
My day used to be up early and done early but now I have a whole day to work on stuff.
I don't think I'm good with free reign. 
I need structure and time frames and stuff.


ADD: You can totally tell who has TPIR on their Bucket List. 
I would love to go see it live, but I don't want to be on television - I wouldn't want to be a contestant. I'd be too in awe and probably would make a fool of myself.


Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of making my final decision that I was leaving my marriage. We'd been 'living separate' for some time, but 8/29/11 was the official like, let's talk about divvying up stuff and who gets what debt.
I can't believe it's been one year since that shitshow started. 
I have come farther - personally, mentally, physically - in this past year than I have ever in my life. 

Further ahead in happiness, deeper into debt. 
[I'll take the debt - and I'll get out of it.]
And I'd do it all over again.  Times 10!


And, I just got interrupted by an appointment maker who mumbles. 
Now I'm all out of that train of thought. Off to do stuff... 


PS The Showcase Showdown was a close one; only a $315 difference between their bids.

Whew!

I'm glad I don't have any fucked up fetishes. Like ones that revolve around poop.

Collection Intervention

OMG, they made a show about my first marriage.

Soap Opera

I am disturbed by my family.

It's like a soap opera... that's been progressing, twisting, turning into absolute weirdness for a couple years now.
Granted, I added some drama with my own divorce but I was legit about my separation.
No affair(s) here.
I can say that proudly, honestly.

But the thing is, I am put off by the fact that my father lives with my now ex-brother-in-law (which now makes him a built in babysitter, but since he was refused his grand kids for so long, doesn't mind it).
My mother took a vacation that included my cousin, sister, sister's current boyfriend, sister's ex-husband (also former friend of current boyfriend) and all the kids between them all (6 or so?).

Did you catch all that?

I was looking at some their beach pictures and it sure looks uncomfortable.
At least I have the unsubscribe option on Facebook so I don't have the dysfunction shoved down my throat anymore.
There's more stuff, but this is a touching on post and not a spill it out there post.

Let's call it what it is, folks.
Nothing friendly here.
Nothing friendly for years.
Only facades.

So I just got a Pap smear from James Lipton.

Quote of the Day

‎"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." - Harvey Mackay

My sidekick

Well, one of them. :)

Act Like It!

I'm still nice but...

My new rule of thumb is to just automatically assume everyone is a jerk until they prove me wrong. 
They rarely do.

I miss having a (female) best friend. I think this is the first time ever in my life I haven't had one. Boy best friends are nice, but unless they're gay, it's just not the same.

Hello August!

This is going to be a good month.  I can feeeeel it.

It's been almost a year since I've been physically separated from Ex-Hubs.  Emotionally and financially we had been separated for awhile.  But at the end of August, the process of moving out and on had officially started.

I look back on the last 8 years and it gets foggy in my brain.

I sometimes can't believe I was married for 5 years.  Ages: 22-27.

That relationship took up so many years of my life.

I was so very lost and confused - didn't know how to be assertive and just did things because I was "supposed" to do them.

Lessons Learned:

If he wasn't Prince Charming when you were dating, he won't be Prince Charming once you're married.

See also: You can't change people.  They are, who they are, [who they are], and that's them.

I got excited about getting married not because I understood the act itself, but because I was in love with the idea of a big wedding and then a big house with a yard and a fairy tale husband! 

BUT! I was never the little girl that dreamed about that stuff!  

I said I was never going to get married.  

Didn't believe in it.

Just a piece of paper.

The planning and paying of the wedding was horrendous.

I had no friends supporting me, let alone anyone for a wedding party.

My mom basically robbed my dad to pay for it.

Ex's dad was supposed to pay for his share, but ya know, he was in jail, so...

I was 22 years old and dumb! Just like all the other girls that age that got married and are now already divorced or in the process of.  

Looking back on the wedding itself, I was in love, but I didn't want to walk down the aisle that day for so many reasons.

However, I did.  I didn't feel I could say no because it was expensive and paid for.

My mom would have killed me!  How embarrassing it would be! 

Call OFF a wedding?! 

Taboo.

[I say that now, trying so hard to get divorced, to take my mom's advice - "Get out while you can.  Don't end up like me!", while having NO relationship with her at all because she's a psychopath.  

Hindsight 2020: Shoulda Called It Off!]

And the wedding itself was nice and the reception was fun and pretty (as it should have been for what we paid for it) but I got shitfaced and so did Ex and my wedding night was really me passing out at the Holiday Inn "Suite" above the club/bar while my alcoholic husband was getting even drunker downstairs with the rest of his drunkard family.

And I still stuck with this path, the beginning... this foundation that my life was being built on.

It got better and sometimes awesome and it got worse and sometimes violent.  My life has been really fucking hard for a really fucking long time and I just want to be divorced and move on.  I can honestly say I gave that relationship my all, but it started out wrong and should have never even gotten to the level it did.  Not many hard feelings, as I learned a lot.  He's much better off, too, and I honestly wish him well.

I have been told I am to 'grieve the loss of my old life' - the good, bad and ugly.

There is so much I have to go through and process.

I'll probably revisit this and add to it, but for now, that felt like a weight lifted off me. 

So long have I wanted to say it, type it, make it tangible.

Maybe I'll compile all this together for my memoir.

I don't want to open up the Pandora's box of my childhood and start there.

Can one start a memoir at 13yo/the high school years?

I guess I could be the first...

But like I said, August is going to be a good month.  I can feel it.