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I wish I was the person my Pinterest thinks I am.

I may be drinking champagne. Right now.

I should have just went back to work after my car inspection. #PTOfail

I just want to cry my heart out and scream.

I'm tired of struggling. I am completely exhausted.

It makes sense that Lucy would be nicknamed Garbage Dog. My GPK name is Trashley Can.

The Kinect makes you do the penguin shuffle. Truffle shuffle.

Conserve air; share bong hits.

Best Status of the Day - 2/17/12

"God sometimes I wish I would have used a sperm donor instead of my kids dad."

At least now I can say I have an appreciation for anime.

A: "I want to buy a mattress if it's Mattress Holiday Weekend!"

I need to have a daughter so I can pass on my list of 'Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger'. Nothing against boys, it's just geared more towards females.

Rhetorical genitalia