D-Day?

This was a 'hidden' draft I have saved since 2008.  I'm going to publish it because it proves how long my marriage was broken.  This is how I was feeling and I will not apologize for it. [7/24/12]



The word Divorce has been brought up a lot today.

I am at a complete loss.

Should I ask for a divorce or should I wait and see if there's any more empty promises?

I sit here crying, thinking about how I've tried so fucking hard to make this marriage work and how it just isn't??

When do you give up?
How many tries do I give it?
What do I do when the love is gone?
Do I believe him when he says he won't drink?
Do I always want to play second fiddle to his Xbox?
When do I get to lead the life that I want to lead?

I am at a loss.
If it ends, oh the pain.
If I stay, oh the pain.

I need someone to tell me what to do.

I am sitting here, CRYING, and he is sleeping on the couch right next to me.
He's not up consoling me, or asking me whats wrong. He's just SNORING.
I'm in my marriage alone.

It's beyond repair.
I need to face it.

Why did it go so wrong?
Is it because I can't let go of my resentment towards him for the abuse I've taken while he's been drunk?
Why must we constantly bicker? We can't even have regular conversations.


I feel like a failure.